I have been incognito this week! I have been a little under the weather but quite honestly I just haven't really been very inspired too much this week. Just one of those weeks where I have been so busy I haven't had time to really think about stuff or so I thought!
Fortunately, all of this changed Wednesday night! :) As I mentioned, I have not felt well this week and that in turn has caused me not to sleep very much. So instead of even trying to lay there for hours and hours, tossing and turning I decided to clean my room. Not just "pick up" my room but really clean it. I am pretty organized when it comes to planning out my day, getting things done, or trying to just plan stuff in general. I try to make sure that toilets, sink, showers....things like that are clean but when it comes to organization in my car or bedroom you would think that a tornado ripped through! I did recently clean out my car and have done well at keeping it that way, but my bedroom floor has not been visible in a few weeks!
I am not about to even try and justify this messy room seeing as how part of cleaning up involved unpacking from Kaci's wedding which was October 9th BUT I must say that my bedroom does seem to be the congregation area when the girls are over getting ready and quite a few things I picked up amongst the disaster was not mine! ;)
Anyway, now that I am done confessing I am a slob and giving excuses on to the real reason I am telling you this! As I was cleaning (which started about 9:30pm) I was sitting there on my bedroom floor picking up clothes, deciding if they were clean or dirty, deciding which laundry pile to place them in, deciding if they should go in the pile to hang or the pile to fold, deciding if I were ever going to wear them again or should give them away and deciding if they were mine or one the girls ;) ....Told you I am organized! So in the midst of all of this decision making and about two hours later, of course Miss Costa needs to go outside to potty, I was on a roll and did not want to stop but I figured I better or I would have her mess to clean up too! So I stand up, stretch and look around....wow. wow. wow. It was then I realized it was a good thing I could not sleep because not only was my floor not visible neither was my bed now and I was going to be up for quite a while!
Miss Costa did her little dance outside, we came back in and I got back to work. Finally at 2:30am I could see my floor and almost all of my bed! I put the last few things away and looked around and what I saw this time was much better than what I saw a few hours ago!
Well any normal person would be pleased and go to bed, especially since I have to be up for work in about four hours but instead I opened up one of my drawers that I had been stuffing things in all night, and then another drawer, and then another until they were all opened and emptied...on my bedroom floor! So here I find myself again, in the same place, in the middle of a mess and knowing I cannot stop or it will stay this way. So after almost another two hours of decision making I can finally see my floor again, I can close my drawers without having stuff hanging out and even better I can open them without having to stick my hand in the drawer and having to flatten stuff down and pulling really hard to open it - they are all nice and neat now! Yay! Yes, it may have taken me a very long time and I definitely lost way to much sleep but it is just sleep, I can catch up on that! My bedroom being organized feels way better than any sleep could have!
Finally in bed, hoping to pass out fast but instead I lay there and my wheels start turning and I start thinking about how my messy room related to our messes in life sometimes. I made myself stop thinking so I could sleep and decided I would think about it later, so I am doing that now! Isn't it crazy how sometimes the most unrelated things can seem to be not so unrelated when we really think about it? I love it when this happens - these are the moments of inspiration I mentioned earlier!
Thinking back on cleaning my bedroom made me think about life and how we get lazy and life gets messy. We have our friends who sometimes add to the mess and we can try to point blame all we want but at the end of the day, the majority of the mess is ours and we are to blame! Once we get to the point of realizing we have to do something about the mess in our life, we have have to remember that the cleaning up part is not going to be easy or fast. It will take lots of decisions, perseverance and time. Now that we understand that we can start cleaning up the mess we have made and we have also remember that in cleaning one mess we do not see instant results but sometimes make an even bigger mess or what seems like a bigger mess but is really just the beginning of the cleaning process, even though it may not feel like it or we cannot see it we are making progress....we are moving so we have to be. If we get overwhelmed and just stay still or put it off for a better day like I thought about doing in my bedroom we will not get anywhere and just be surrounded by a bigger mess so we have to keep going until we can see the floor!
We finally get to the point in life where everything is better, our mess seems to be gone and then it happens....another mess comes along. Maybe it is because we "stuffed some things in drawers" instead of REALLY cleaning them up or one we thought would not be that big of deal to let go a little longer, either way we must understand that cleaning up messes is a continuous part of our lives! Since that sounds like pretty depressing news I will try to cheer you up.
Yes, life is a mess that we will spend forever cleaning only to find another mess but guess what?! When I was cleaning my room, I found clothes that I thought I would never see again, found some that I tried that I could fit into which was an awesome surprise and some that I had forgotten I had but was so happy to see them and remember them! This is the same with life....in these messes we have to remember to realize in every step along the way what we found and learned or relearned about our self that we may have forgotten...not just at the end when it is clean--don't just be happy then, but be happy and thankful for the journey and growth you are experiencing- you will feel much better along the way if you let these problems lead you to realizations that help you instead of hurt you!
xoxo,
Faith
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