February 20th

Today, I am celebrating the due date of the baby I never got to meet.

I started out the morning feeling sorry for myself as I made the comment, “I should be going to the hospital today, but instead I’m preparing chili for the crockpot.” That’s when Chad chimed in, “Don’t question God’s plan.” then he kissed me and left for work. I didn’t say a word, because all I could’ve said was, “You’re right.” and it was too early in the morning to admit that to him ha!

But friends, he’s right. Yes, my heart hurts a little more today than normal, but you know what would hurt even more?...Being out of God’s will and not accepting the plan He has for us. So today, I’ll celebrate - I’ll celebrate the most divine peace that only our Savior can offer. And I’ll thank God for giving me a husband who is right...sometimes. 😉

A Good Day

This meal...looks like nothing much, but it is. It’s the first meal I’ve cooked for my husband in two months! Today is the first time I’ve actually felt well enough to cook. (Thanks to wonderful family, friends, coworkers and church family - I haven’t had to even worry about a meal-forever grateful.)
•
It’s crazy how the things we often complain about and look at as being “chores” can be seen so differently once you’re not able to do them anymore.
•
A simple meal, but made with more love than any meal I’ve ever made. Today has been a good day, tomorrow could be different, but today I got to feel needed, feel like a wife and not like a patient and it’s been nice.

Adjectives

It’s 1am and I should be asleep, but that doesn’t seem to be happening at the moment so I figured I’d write. It’s been a while. A very long while!

Ya know. it’s crazy how life works. At a time when I feel broken, not just mentally, but physically - more broken then I’ve ever felt...I received a message from an old friend I haven’t seen in many years telling me that I’m strong, brave and an inspiration. Those are not three adjectives that I would use to describe myself at the moment, but it means the world to me to know that’s how I’m perceived during this season. After I thought about her words, I realized, she’s right. I am all of those things, but nothing on my own! I’ve got an amazing support group of friends and family...and of course there’s God. 

In all honesty, God is the only reason that anyone would be able to describe me as strong, brave or an inspiration. Since day one of this new chapter I’m in, I’ve had such a peace about things because I know who is really in control. I can Google everything in the world, go to the best doctors ever, get opinions from others and so on, but at the end of the day none of that matters because God’s got this. I know it may sound so cliche, but that’s honestly how I feel. Why should I fret about things I have no control over? 

Does it hurt? Yes! But it also helps to know the healer AND that He will heal the hurt.